Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
