I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
