omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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