I just pynch a tree in the face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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