My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
