He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
