we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
