I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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