When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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