Pants 0. Shit 1.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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