just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
