yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
