You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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