I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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