Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
