Where is the hickey?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
