so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
