The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
