We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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