Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
