and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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