Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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