Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
