i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
