he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
