The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize