Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
