he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
