Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
