Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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