how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
