we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
