she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
