Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ugly people sure do ruin things
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
sex in a hospital.. check
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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