I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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