# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
