She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
