there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
