why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
