On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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