The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
