Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Someone signed my nipple.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
