Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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