My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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