i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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