Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
