I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
