I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
