I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
