Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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