i don't like sucking hair
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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