so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
