the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FUCK WHALES
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
