I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
