my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
