we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
