Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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