I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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