barbara walters just said penis...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
