I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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