Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
