I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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