I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
