Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
