Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
