just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
