so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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