Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need water and some morals
Randomize
