I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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