he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
