Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
