Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
