by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
