It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
