So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
