On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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