I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to calm my uterus...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize