The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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