im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
