I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You are a genius and a whore.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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