all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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