I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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