Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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