hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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